My Menopause Blog

Not the most captivating photo in the world but these are desperate times my friends, desperate times indeed.

Above is one, almost life sized Saliva Test. I will be taking this test in the morning, provided I don’t do something menopausal like forget that I’m taking a saliva test in the morning. Or worse…wake up and brush my teeth, a routine that is fairly well engrained in the ole noodle, and may happen with or without any remembering or forgetting at all.

According to the Saliva Test Instructions, toothpaste, coffee, and pretty much any of my morning requirements other than water is BAD NEWS for getting good saliva. We’ve paid big bucks for this test. We want VERY GOOD saliva.

Second: I am not simply swabbing my mouth or licking something. I must generate a test tubes worth of drool.

Third: Said drool must be drooled into the tube. No touching the drool, letting the drool touch or assisting the drool in anyway is allowed.

So to recap: I wake up from a fitful sleep. Pee but don’t brush. Start drooling….no wait…get test tube out of package…position test tube so drool drips in directly…drool…stop drooling…cap tube…brush teeth. Go about my day as though everything is normal.

Right then.

Sue Richards

P.S. Buy the same Saliva Hormone Test as I did here.

Tags: My Menopause Blog, Sue Richards, menopause, menopausal, humor, saliva test.