Sue Richards, regular Canadian gal, heats up as her reproductive Best Before Date expires.
Tuesday, 14 February 2006
This is not a joke.
How many minutes does it take to fill a smallish test tube with drool…or rather the more clinically correct version of the word, saliva?
If you guess 20 minutes, you win.
I received some good advise from Ellie, one of my new Club Meno mates who recommended yawning as a way to stimulate saliva. Rather hard to do in the morning I found. I’m more of a night yawner myself. So I fake yawned hoping that would not get me suspended or disqualified from the test.
Fairly quickly I observed that dribbling drool into a tiny tube is tricky without a mirror. So the remaining 19 minutes was spend insincerely yawning, while looking at myself, and collecting what seemed like a mouthful of saliva only to find as I released said mouthful, the actual amount tended to be more bubbles than goo.
Remember, this is all taking place within the first few minutes of becoming vertical. Even a morning person, which I can be provided no other people are involved and I have my Vietnamese coffee in hand, would struggle with this procedure.
Okay, that sounds lame. The procedure is not hard. It’s counter intuitive. Women don’t drool or spit. We do not allow out mouth fluids to become public. It’s ingrained in our genes. This is clearly a man idea.
Moving right along…I will hustle my bustle to the post office this aft and ship my spittle to the Lab. Not the yellow Lab I offered up yesterday. He would be quite pleased to get a test tube of my juice..Labs being the charming creatures that they are. No, I will send my package to the scientific Laboratory and wait for my results. Which you will hear about. In glorious detail.
That this is all unfolding on Valentine’s Day seems fitting.
Sue Richards
P.S. Buy the same Saliva Hormone Test
Tags: My Menopause Blog, Sue Richards, menopause, menopausal, humor, saliva test.
February 15th, 2006 at 2:43 pm
So thats what you were sending away at the post office yesterday.
I admit, I was curious, obviously not the regular calendar mail out, and the “it can’t freeze” directive definitely caught my attention.
Hope you passed.
February 18th, 2006 at 7:36 am
Hi
Best way to gather the saliva is to produce it by ‘washing’ your mouth with your tongue. ‘Scrub each tooth, each crevice and store the results in the bottom of your mouth under the tongue. Then, using the spit gathered you’swish’ the stuff as if you were using a mouth wash in the mouth. You can generate a lot of saliva very quickly this way. This is a chi gong technique I learned. The saliva gathered is then swallowed in three portions activated by the chi. This is a healing technique. It strengthens the gums and teeth and is very good for the digestive system. It helps to raise the energy (chi) which can then be directed anywhere in the body for healing.
February 19th, 2006 at 9:47 pm
Janice,
Now you tell me!
Sue